Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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