Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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