i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
being pregnant is like rehab
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
