Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize