Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Randomize
