The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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