There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
