so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
