Do you still have your period?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
