I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
