I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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