He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
