so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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