He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
