My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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