I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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