I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
