There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
That's how pantless uber rides happen
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize