I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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