He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
