I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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