In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
