last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
