It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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