We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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