Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
