I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
