no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
