So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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