we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
