Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
