pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
