it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
