i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
