Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
