I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
