i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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