Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He passed out mid-signature
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
