im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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