I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm both gender and math confused
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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