I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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