is wine microwaveable?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
