And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
