If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
