wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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