why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
