seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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