i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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