Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
