dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Boobs speak an international language.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
