wanna go halves on a baby?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
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