what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
