Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm just crazy horny about you
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize