New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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