I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
