remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
we made out on top of his cat.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize