Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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