my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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