dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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