Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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