nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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