He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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