fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
