did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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