he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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