Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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