never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
