my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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