Soap is not a condiment
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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