I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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